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Essays

My Wife And I Are More In Love Than Ever, But I Still Asked Her To Go To Couples Counseling

My Wife And I Are More In Love Than Ever, But I Still Asked Her To Go To Couples Counseling

"Once we hit the 10-year mark, we noticed something: Couples around us were splitting up."

HuffPost

Dec 2, 2024

We Don't Always Have To Put Our Kids First

We Don't Always Have To Put Our Kids First

The idea that parents have to give up their own desires to ensure the happiness of their children is tired — and incorrect.

HuffPost

May 24, 2024

Sometimes It Takes a Crisis to Bring Us Together

Sometimes It Takes a Crisis to Bring Us Together

When the author and her wife learned their 18-month-old needed open heart surgery, it proved to be one of the most terrifying moments of their lives—and, to their surprise, uniquely life affirming.

Dame Magazine

Feb 7, 2024

I grew up Catholic while my wife was raised Jewish. We're no longer religious, but these holiday traditions still hold meaning.

I grew up Catholic while my wife was raised Jewish. We're no longer religious, but these holiday traditions still hold meaning.

Blended religious families share their holiday traditions.

Yahoo Life

Dec 20, 2023

Who's the 'real' mom? Did you adopt? Queer parents on the questions they're constantly getting.

Who's the 'real' mom? Did you adopt? Queer parents on the questions they're constantly getting.

Queer parents on the questions they're constantly getting.

Yahoo

Mar 6, 2023

As a same-sex couple raising kids, my wife and I had to file for second-parent adoption — here's why

As a same-sex couple raising kids, my wife and I had to file for second-parent adoption — here's why

How humiliating to think that I would need letters of reference and a judge to officially deem me qualified to be something that I already was: a mother.

Yahoo Life

Feb 2, 2023

How Do I Tell My Kids Our Family Has a Target on Our Backs?

How Do I Tell My Kids Our Family Has a Target on Our Backs?

I asked other queer parents how they're talking to their kids about anti-lgbtq legislation.

The Cut

Jul 19, 2022

As a same-sex couple, my wife and I want our sons to be proud of unconventional families.

As a same-sex couple, my wife and I want our sons to be proud of unconventional families.

As a same-sex couple, my wife and I want our sons to be proud of unconventional families. We want them to know it's OK to be different.

Insider

Jun 16, 2022

My wife and I are frequently naked around our children.

My wife and I are frequently naked around our children.

We want to encourage them to ask questions instead of feeling shamed.

Insider

Jun 2, 2022

How Now and Then Transformed Me into a Loyal Friend and a Better Listener

How Now and Then Transformed Me into a Loyal Friend and a Better Listener

This 1995 coming-of-age movie helped shape me into who I am today.

Talkhouse

Feb 7, 2022

Tiny Love Stories: When It Was Time

Tiny Love Stories: When It Was Time

I carried our first child, and my wife carried our second — a perk of our two-uterus marriage. As her belly grew, so did my apprehension. Could I love this baby as much as the one I birthed?

The New York Times

Nov 9, 2021

It's Okay to Hate Your Scars

It's Okay to Hate Your Scars

Women are expected to minimize our trauma and love our scars. Ten years after the writer suffered a hit-and-run accident that took her ear, she realized she didn't have to embrace expectation.

Dame

Jul 13, 2021

This Mother’s Day, I’m Thankful for My Little Queer Community

This Mother’s Day, I’m Thankful for My Little Queer Community

For LGBTQ+ parents, finding a community of other queer families can be a vital source of support and camaraderie.

them.

May 7, 2021

How to Discuss Fun Crushes in a Relationship Without Anyone Getting Jealous

How to Discuss Fun Crushes in a Relationship Without Anyone Getting Jealous

Being open about harmless outside attractions is a potentially hot way to feel closer to each other.

Vice

Jan 26, 2021

The pandemic has parents stressed out. Shaming one another on Facebook isn’t the answer.

The pandemic has parents stressed out. Shaming one another on Facebook isn’t the answer.

There’s occasional drama within these groups, but that’s a social media norm. For the most part, it’s a virtual place where many of us turn to connect with family, friends and even strangers.

The Washington Post

Jul 2, 2020

Why it’s okay for a boy with two mommies to have an imaginary daddy

Why it’s okay for a boy with two mommies to have an imaginary daddy

My toddler likes to play games with a mommy and a daddy. I'm okay with that.

The Washington Post

Mar 3, 2020

Does Sharing a Sperm Donor Make Us Family?

Does Sharing a Sperm Donor Make Us Family?

I was reluctant to connect with my son's donor siblings because I didn't think of them as family.

The Washington Post

Dec 19, 2019

The Registry: Coming Out to My Journal Helped Me Come Out to the World

The Registry: Coming Out to My Journal Helped Me Come Out to the World

When I first fell for another woman, my journal gave me a space to spell out my queer identity in ways I otherwise couldn't.

them.

Oct 10, 2019

How parenthood has helped me redefine Pride

How parenthood has helped me redefine Pride

In our 20s, June meant boozy brunches and PDAs. Now married with a child, we celebrate in a different way, and with greater purpose.

The Washington Post

Jun 10, 2019

My Two-Year-Old is Learning to Talk. So Are His Moms

My Two-Year-Old is Learning to Talk. So Are His Moms

It's tricky enough navigating language with a toddler without the complications of queer parenthood. But no matter what he calls us or how he comes to understand our family is different, I just want him to know he's loved.

them.

May 10, 2019

I Didn't Know How to Share Until I Became a Lesbian Mom

I Didn't Know How to Share Until I Became a Lesbian Mom

How becoming a mom taught me that I didn't need to be selfless to be a good parent.

them.

May 12, 2018

This Mother's Day, I Want My Wife to Feel Like a Mother, Too

This Mother's Day, I Want My Wife to Feel Like a Mother, Too

Because I birthed our baby, society sees me as the "mom" and her as my "sidekick." But she's the mother I've always dreamed my son could have.

Vice

May 12, 2017

Why It’s Important To Me To Avoid Mother’s Day

Why It’s Important To Me To Avoid Mother’s Day

We delete the emails. We tear up during the commercials. We face milestones in our lives without her mother.

Refinery29

May 2, 2017

This Technique for An Easier Labor Felt Terrible, But Was Totally Worth It

This Technique for An Easier Labor Felt Terrible, But Was Totally Worth It

I'd been warned that birth plans — like the best laid plans — often go awry.

Redbook Mag

Jan 19, 2017

How I’m Reconciling Giving Birth In Trump’s New America

How I’m Reconciling Giving Birth In Trump’s New America

As same-sex parents we must remain visible.

Bust

Nov 20, 2016

What to Expect When You're Gay and Expecting

What to Expect When You're Gay and Expecting

People ask the weirdest questions and say the strangest things.

Redbook Mag

Nov 16, 2016

I DIDN’T REALIZE HOW I FELT ABOUT ABORTION UNTIL I CHOSE TO GET PREGNANT

I DIDN’T REALIZE HOW I FELT ABOUT ABORTION UNTIL I CHOSE TO GET PREGNANT

GOP candidates Donald Trump and Mike Pence’s extreme anti-abortion views made this lesbian writer truly appreciate the distinction between being “pro-life” and “pro-choice.”

Dame

Oct 5, 2016

What's It Really Like to Choose a Sperm Donor

What's It Really Like to Choose a Sperm Donor

Laura Leigh Abby knew that she and her wife, Sam, couldn't have a baby who was half of each of them, but she didn't anticipate how tricky picking a sperm donor would actually be.

Cosmopolitan

Aug 22, 2016

Struck in New York City

Struck in New York City

Five years ago today I was the victim of a hit-and-run, but what does that mean to me now?

Medium

Jul 26, 2016

The Diagnosis I Never Expected Was Revealed To Me On TV

The Diagnosis I Never Expected Was Revealed To Me On TV

True Life: I had my eggs tested for reality TV.

Refinery29

Mar 30, 2016

I'm Trying to Get Pregnant with a Stranger's Sperm and It's Going Horribly

I'm Trying to Get Pregnant with a Stranger's Sperm and It's Going Horribly

It's nice that celebrities are opening up about infertility, but what's it like for the rest of us?

Vice

Mar 20, 2016

5 Happiness Secrets I Wish I’d Known In My 20s

5 Happiness Secrets I Wish I’d Known In My 20s

I spent most of my 20s living in New York City, a metropolis that fed me (too much), broke me, revived me, and shaped me. NYC is one of the great loves of my life, and as I prepare to leave it for a new phase of my life, I can’t help but reflect on how the city changed me.

Refinery29

Feb 16, 2016

These stories of 'coming out' to family over the holidays may give you courage — or pause.

These stories of 'coming out' to family over the holidays may give you courage — or pause.

Is coming out to your family during the holiday season right for you?

Upworthy

Nov 24, 2015

'Could I be gay after all these years?' For these women, the answer was 'yes.'

'Could I be gay after all these years?' For these women, the answer was 'yes.'

I was 19 when I met my wife, but it took another decade before I got comfortable with words like "lesbian" and "bisexual."

Upworthy

Oct 26, 2015

WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE ANIMALS

WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE ANIMALS

While my wife’s mother lay dying in a hospital, her animals lived alone in her house.Tell people more about this item. Give people the info they need to go ahead and take the action you want. To make this item your own, click here.

Dame

Jun 23, 2015

Will Other Lesbians Accept Me if I Used to Date Men?

Will Other Lesbians Accept Me if I Used to Date Men?

When my wife Samantha and I decided to be filmed for a reality television series — Newlyweds: The First Year on Bravo — we worried about the reaction of the lesbian community. Will they accept us? we wondered.

Cosmopolitan

May 17, 2015

My Two Years Without An Ear

My Two Years Without An Ear

I lost my left ear in an accident almost four years ago. Only recently have I been able to feel like myself again.

BuzzFeed News

Apr 8, 2015

Why Is It So Hard to Say, "This Is My Wife"?

Why Is It So Hard to Say, "This Is My Wife"?

I've learned that I can't complain about narrow-mindedness in others if I'm displaying it myself.

Cosmopolitan

Feb 21, 2015

Craigslist Behavior

Craigslist Behavior

Sometimes city life pushes us too hard, hard enough that we push back with the worst versions of ourselves.

The Hairpin

Apr 10, 2014

What’s in a Name?

What’s in a Name?

Choosing a new name was going to be a compromise.

Huffington Post

Dec 2, 2013

For Gay Children of Straight Parents

For Gay Children of Straight Parents

Not for a moment did I worry that my family would cast me out. Sadly, this isn't the case for most gay people, and I am grateful that I was so fortunate.

Huffington Post

Nov 6, 2013

Who Walks Down The Aisle First?

Who Walks Down The Aisle First?

Two brides-to-be carve out our own traditions.

The Observer

Jul 30, 2013

I married my sorority sister

I married my sorority sister

When people ask how Sam and I met, I almost never tell them the entire story – that I was Sam’s big sister in a sorority. I still feel ashamed of that detail, as if I did something wrong by falling for her, or I took advantage of her in some way. So I keep my answer simple. I tell them we met in college.

Salon

Jan 23, 2013

Second-Hand Grief

Second-Hand Grief

Two years before we were married, my wife Sam watched her mom die.

At Sam’s mom’s funeral I sat in the front pew with the family. Of course I did. Her mother was my family, too. Or at least she was supposed to be.

ModernLoss

An Accident Paid Off My MFA Debt

An Accident Paid Off My MFA Debt

Just over a month before I entered the graduate writing program at The New School I was struck by a car as I stepped into a crosswalk on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

The Billfold

Death Becomes Her

Death Becomes Her

When I picked up Caitlin Doughty’s debut memoir "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory"—now a New York Times bestseller—my eyes widened. I was eager to learn her secrets of a new and different way of thinking, one in which it’s okay to talk about dying.

The Mantle

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Why I'm Obsessed with the Duggar Family

Why I'm Obsessed with the Duggar Family

As a queer woman, I have long disliked the Duggars for using fame to push an agenda of intolerance.

AfterEllen

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